National
Treasure
Saw
The
Grudge
Man
of Fire / John Q
Collateral
Spider
Man 2
White
Chicks
Lord
of the Rings (the entire trilogy)
8MM
I
Know What You Did Last Summer
Microcosmos
Fight
Club
American
Beauty
Jason
X
National Treasure
Star Trek Nemesis
Face/Off
Kids
Withnail and I
Batman
Begins
The League of
Gentlemen's Apocalypse
Final
Cut
Saw
2
The Salton
Sea
American Movie
The Machinist
Being John Malkovich
Legally
Blonde 1 & 2
The Simpsons
Movie
Rocky Balboa
The Moguls
Arsenic and Old Lace
Assassination of Richard
Nixon (New!)
Over the Edge (New!)
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National
Treasure
Disney shows us the importance of discovering history. Also stresses
the importance of selling it all off for a ton of cash.
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Saw
Tries hard to be 'Seven' but falls short. Worth the money if you're looking
for something slightly confusing with shaky camera work.
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of Page
The Grudge
A rare mix of creepily laughable moments tied together with burping Japanese
ghosts frightening melodramatic Americans. Stay home and rent 'The Ring'.
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Man on Fire / John Q
A child is in serious danger of dying. Denzel Washington gets angry and swears
to deliver justice. He wins, the kid lives.
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Collateral
Surreally, Jamie Fox is the voice of reason. Elfish Tom Cruise plays a
hit man who dies of boredom. Audience risks same.
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Spider Man 2
Sappy love story ruins otherwise fun sequel that is actually better than
its original. Bring extra popcorn and a comic book fan.
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White Chicks
Be honest: you needn't ever see this movie to know it's horrible. Be depressed
by the fact that these people make millions.
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Lord of the Rings
(the entire trilogy)
Spellbinding yet excruciatingly long. On the bright side, if you disliked
the books, there's still an excellent chance you'll enjoy the movies.
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8MM
An angry Nicholas Cage and a drawling Joaquin Phoenix run around the seedy
underbelly of snuff porn and dish up vigilante justice.
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I Know What You
Did Last Summer
Murderous teenagers get freaked when someone comes for revenge. Not originally
meant as a pro-vigil ante film but can read that way.
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Microcosmos
Get up close and personal with scampering bugs and copulating snails set
against classical soundtrack. Discovery Channel fans will weep with joy.
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Fight
Club
Edward Norton can't sleep, fights with Brad Pitt and makes soap out of liposuctioned
ass fat. What more could you ask for?
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American Beauty
Mid-life crisis man smokes pot, has borderline pedophilic sex fantasies and
dies while his wife goes through a nervous breakdown. Disturbingly entertaining.
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Jason X
Jason in space. Hilarity ensues. You might not imagine it would do such a
good job of mocking itself. But it does.
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Star Trek
Nemesis
Enterprise enters ludicrous space and wins a battle by engaging in an impromptu
game of bumper cars. Riker is, as always, annoying.
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Face/Off
Travolta and Cage swap faces and mock each other. Good, if improbable, fun
provided you swap brains with your pet before watching.
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Kids
You can only hope they all manage to kill themselves off before reaching adulthood
… but you know they won't. Shockingly watchable.
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Withnail
and I
Two actors go on holiday by mistake. Features booze, drugs and a tenacious
homosexual. Better than a head full of pig shit.
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Batman Begins
Thank God it finally has. After decades of disappointment, the real Dark
Knight emerges. Bruce Wayne is an American Psycho? You bet. (via email)
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The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse
Royston Vasey meets London and Medieval poisoners plot against a king.
More surreal than usual. For serious fans only but surprisingly good
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Final Cut
Robin Williams does post-mortem movies and ends up getting killed. Plot
is loose and contrived but still a beautiful movie to watch.
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Saw 2
Transparent plot and none too surprising but there are enough gruesomely
creative deaths to make it worthwhile. Just ignore the wooden acting.
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The Salton Sea
Val Kilmer goes from straight laced citizen to philosophising tweeker.
A bit pretentious but mostly engaging, the inferno makes it all worthwhile.
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American Movie
Meet the modern day Ed Wood and his rag tag collection of reluctant volunteers.
Takes cheering for the underdog to new depths.
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The Machinist
Christian Bale gets anorexic and insane but doesn't quite get the girl.
A drunken, introspective version of Fight Club without the colour.
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Being John Malkovich
A door on the 7½ floor enters John's head and empties on the turnpike.
Makes no sense … but kind of does.
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Legally Blonde 1 & 2
Guilty, no-brainer indulgent entertainment at its best. She's a smart,
feminized Ned Flanders. Just beware the possible urge to start reading
Cosmo
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The Simpsons Movie
It's a 90 minute episode which will please no one but hardcore fans. Then
again, what more could we ask for? *wooo!*
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Rocky Balboa
It's not about getting knocked down, it's about how many times you get
back up. The pulpy headed sage of our generation.
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The Moguls
Home grown porn brings a community together and saves a father / son relationship.
It's official: Jeff Bridges can do no wrong.
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Arsenic and Old
Lace
Two old ladies with a knack for murder. Cary Grant's slapstick shows us
where Jim Carey gets his inspiration. A true classic.
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Assassination of
Richard Nixon
With a creepy moustache, Sean Penn goes crazy. If annoying salesmen have
been his target - the world would've been better off.
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of Page
Over the Edge
Matt Dillion leads a group of OTT delinquents. Any kids with drugs like
they had would have stayed too stoned to riot.
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of Page
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