Have some beans you simply must spill? Do it here
Sins
(Updated)
Secrets (Updated)
I found something
scary
Last week my girlfriend moved out. we had been living together for a year.
we had stopped using condoms shortly after that. I just cleaned my apartment
and in the corner of my bedroom I found a really old condom still filled
with congealed, lumpy cum. It's still there now. As soon as I saw it I
retched and I threw a towel over it. I'm thinking about just buying something
heavy to put on top. (Mark, 28, Programmer, Wisconsin)
I ate an entire
Thanksgiving Meal by myself
This past Thanksgiving I made a whole spread: turkey, potatoes, green
bean casserole, pumpkins pie, the whole bit ... and I ate it all myself.
I don't even care that I'm fucking well over 300 pounds at this point
- I just want to eat constantly. I order Mega Family Size meals from KFC
and lock myself in my apartment with five or six videos and just eat and
watch TV all day and all night. Last week I had to replace my keyboard
because it had gotten so fucked up with all the grease and bits of food
that kept falling into it. (Bill, 30, Photo Lab tech, Ohio)
Top
Whatever happened to sugar in the gas tank?
When I found out my professor (who I'd been sleeping with) was going to
flunk me I waited until we had sex one night and then filed charges against
him. (Rosalie, 23, Student, Ohio)
Alms for the
poor
I'm the treasurer of my church. Have been for over 20 years. About a year
ago I started taking some of the offerings every week. I rationalized
it away then since I was down on my luck, totally unemployed (forced retirement)
and I was working 40+ hours at the church a week. Nothing much - just
a few bucks here and there. But now i can't stop. I don't even need the
money any more now that I'm working again. But I keep taking it all the
same. (Murray, 68, Store Greeter, Arizona)
I am probably
the shittiest person out there
I am probably the shittiest person out there, I know what I'm doing is
wrong but I have to do something. Well I'm about 276 lbs and about 5'4"
so it hard for a guy like me to get laid, I cant even make enough to afford
even the cheapest hooker. So I've been lying to my doctor so I can get
these sleeping pills to help out the problem, the bar I work in gets pretty
dead sometimes and there might be regulars and one or two chicks. So the
guys will buy her a drink so I get to drop in the magic. In about 5 minutes
she's usually out and we can all have a round. I always like to be last
because the extra wetness gets me going. (Fred, 35, Bar Tender, Ohio)
Top
Mommy Dearest ... Maybe
Sometimes, when I stare at my kids I just want to throttle them. I never
would, you know, but sometimes I just really want to. (Melinda, Arizona)
Top
Pants on Fire
I lie all the time. To my family, my friends ... everyone. About stuff
that's not even worth lying about. Yesterday my girlfriend and I were
having lunch and there was an argument starting about how I'm never around.
So I told her my father died. But really he lives in Florida. (Chris,
San Francisco)
Top
Bitter Psycho
I talked my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend into buying me a plane
ticket back to LA, for his brother's wedding by telling them how horrible
my life was with my new boyfriend and his awful family - then, while I
was at the wedding I threw myself at my ex, crying and telling him "this
should be OUR wedding!". That didn't work, so I decided to come visit
him again - but, he wouldn't answer my emails telling him I was coming
back to town, so, when I got there...I broke into his parent's house (they
were gone for the weekend) and stayed there for the weekend, leaving momentos
all over their house for my ex to find. I didn't work - he married his
slutty new girlfriend anyway. Bitch. (Nikki, 35, Oklahoma, Accounting)
Update! Nikki responded to my title of her confession with the
following:
I'm NOT a bitter psycho! That SHOULD have been our wedding - I gave my
ex SIX YEARS of my life, and he never even asked me to marry him! When
I got pregnant he made me get an abortion! Once he got a good job he dumped
me, married that bitch and NOW they're trying to have a baby!
Top
Someone's bound to notice the smell
I was shopping
in a child's clothing store with my young daughter. I was in the dressing
room with some clothes she had tried on, waiting for her to come back
with some larger pants, when I realized that I was bleeding through the
tampon I was wearing. Realizing there was no chanced that I'd make it
to the bathroom in time, I quickly pulled the blood soaked tampon out,
put a new ope in, and shoved the old tampon and bloody applicator from
the new one into one of the pockets of the jeans
my daughter had tried on. I left them there when I left the store. The
saddest thing about the whole story is I can't help but laugh when I think
of the poor soul who must have found my "surprise"! (Paulina,
LA, Personal Assistant)
Top
Pants on Fire
I lie. All the time. even when it makes more sense ro just tell the truth.
Last weekend a friend of mine and I were hanging out and she ended up
going home with some guy she knew and I ended up fucking four guys in
the bathroom but I told her I did a bunch of E and went clubbing. But
she would have been more impressed by the truth. Fuck. (Lynn, 26, Service
Rep, New York)
Top
I do ... or
maybe not
My wedding day is in November. But I just bought a ticket for Florida
that same weekend. I don't want to get married even though I'm the one
who pushed for it and I plan on running out of town the night before.
Maybe I'll leave him a message on his answering machine or drop a note
into his mailbox right as I'm going. I just can't face telling him though.
I am not a bad person. (Melissa, 23, New Hampshire)
Top
All the ones ... 11! (New!)
In the past month I've spent over £200 at Gala Bingo. I'm now £50
short on the rent and will be eating beans for the rest of the month.
But I still can't stop. Have now started trying to talk mates into signing
up so I cna git a tenner each. (M, London)
Top
The Road to Hell (New!)
Sometimes I swap out my girlfriend's vitamins with diet pills. I think
its kind of wrong, but I really don't care. (Dave, 36, California)
- Love isn't
Fair
I'm in love with a man who is twice as old as me and is married. (Sexy/25, Guerilla fighter, Yachats Oregon)
Top
Garlic ... Not just for Vampires!
I Suffer from severe Pruritus Ani. After several years of suffering from dreadful itchy i've found that the only cure is to regularly stuff a, peeled, clove of garlic up my ass. You have to leave it overnight and if you fart in the morning it reeks. (Rodney, Agent Of God, Croydon)
Top
Keeping it in the family
Last month I got home from school and walked in on my dad fucking my aunt in the basement. I still have no idea what the FUCK prompted him to fuck her, since she's way older and a lot bitchier than my mom. The worst part is, he doesn't even give a shit that I know and he just keeps acting like nothing's happening since he know I won't tell my mom. No matter how much I want to. But she'd just totally choose to believe him and not me since I'm always in trouble anyway. So now the both of them fuck around behind her back and I have to keep quiet and put up with all their shit.
- My Wife's
"raise"
I just found out my wife who has been supporting us didn't get a raise. She been making extra money by giving her bosses gang bangs at work. a sympathetic friend who works with her told me. Three or four guys at a time are taking her on and videotaping it. They are really making her do disgusting things and they say if she stops they'll fire her, plus they'll show the tape around town. We live in a very small place upstate. I haven't let on I know. She comes home from work and she's exhausted this goes on 2 - 3 nights a week. I don't know what to do (John, 41, Unemployed, NY)
- My Dad joined
the Klan
My dad owns a pretty big store in a pretty big city. He's always been pretty racist but I never thought he was all pro-KKK. Then, about a month ago, he invites me and my wife and kids over for a barbecue and his friends were all jabbering on about 'niggers' and 'kikes' and shit and my kids (who are both under 5) were RIGHT THERE. When I said something to my dad about it he just laughed and said those were kis 'klan buddies' I thought he was kidding until I noticed one of their bumper stickers and asked one of them about it outright and he totally admitted to it! I just had no clue my dad was like that - and now that I know I wish I had someone else's parents. (Jason, 37, Machinist, Pennsylvania)
When
in Rome....
My best friend tells everyone he's gay but he's not. He likes the attention
those old queens he hangs out with give him. I've caught him fucking homesless
chicks in our apartment more times than I care to remember. For awhile
he tried telling me he was just doing it for kicks but ... no one fucks
THAT many chicks for kicks. At least no one who's gay (Jeremy, 23,
Unemployed, San Fransisco)
Top
- Covering
for my bitch Supervisor
The president of this piece of shit company is currently fucking the whore who pretends to manage this office. Normally I wouldn't give a shit about this, but whenever anyone comes looking for her, I have to make up some excuse, like she's on lunch or at an off site meeting or whatever the fuck. The really bad part is that since she knows that I know she acts like an asshole when she's thanking me for covering her ass. She giggles and winks when she tells me she's going out to 'meet clients' or whatever the fuck. Meanwhile, I'm pretty much running the office in her stead but still getting paid shit wages. And I can't do anything about it until I find another job. (Beth, 36, Office Clerk, Iowa)
- My Husband
is a dirty cop
I know how much my husband makes as a cop - and it ain't much. Lately, he's been sprining for some really expensive gifts and I have no clue where the money is coming from and he, of course, just tells me he's taken up some extra cash by doing side jobs. He just got a new partner who I KNOW is dirty - he's just slimy and totally creepy. When we've been at his house I've smelled pot and seen him handing packages to people at his door and taking money. I don't know what to do - he'll either get caught and I'll be fucked or else I'll just live with the guilt - and all the nice stuff it lets us buy. Sometimes I think it's not so bad if he's taking kick backs - criminals should be good for something. (Elizabeth, 29, Housewife, Washington)
- Hell hath
no fury like a woman screwed out of money ....
I have a deadbeat who is doing everything to avoid paying childsupport. I have did it by myself for over a year. SO now all the appeals he can file are running out and he has to start paying now the almost 500 a month he was ordered plus for awhile he'll have to pay more due to the fact he has let the child support back up, plus 15 % added everyday. So now I keep moving to delay the process and didn't show up to the last hearing, just so more money will be added on to what he owes. I don't need his money, I just do it to be spiteful, even tho he does have a responsibility to support my son, he has 2 other kids who are older and in the end will end up with less than my ONE son will end up with. Quite frankly I dont care. I'm out for me and my son. (Lorel, 19 Unemployed, Norfolk)
Mainlining
Magistrate
I've been a recreational drug user for years. Since high school. A few
years ago I started using heroin every so often to chill out from work
but lately I've started shooting up at work. My job is really stressful
and sometimes I just need to take the edge off. I'm not a doctor of a
driver or anything where I'm responsible for people's immediate wefare
or anything. Any mistakes I make while I'm high can be easily fixed later
during any number of the overtime hours I put in at the office or at home.
I work 12 hour days for weeks on end, so I deserve a little something
every so often, don't I? (Robert, Lawyer, Memphis)
Top
Virtuous Coder
i am a virgin (Anon, 21, canada, web designer)
Top
Sure I'm Qualified!
I'm supposed to have a Masters to have the job I do, but really I only
just graduated High School. I said I graduatred from a local college (a
good one) to get his job and I did. I've been here almost a year and no
one has a clue.
Top
Stinky Man
I don't bathe Monday - Friday. I work in an office and so I don't sweat
much so i don't think anyone really notices. But on Saturdays I take a
bath (not a shower) and I get proud when I turn the water so gray that
you can't even see through it. (Michael, 20, Accountant, Tennessee)
Top
Nothing Beats a Good Scratch
I purposely don't mwipe well sometimes after I have a major dump. I like
the way it makes my asshole itch and then I scratch it till I bleed. (Roger,
32, Michigan)
Top
I've been ever so bad
I am addicted to sex. And I have secret fantasies of being tied up
and spanked. (Emily, UK)
Top
Brotherly Love
Well I was going out with this guy for about 3 and a half years. We r
both from SA and had come 2 London for a working holiday. We went back
for my 21st last year and I ended up shagging his brother. He does not
know and we have now broken up and are friends. I had always been attracted
to him and we were best friends b4 this. I don't know what made us think
we could be together but it was the biggest mistake of my life and no
one at home knows which is presenting a bit of a problem for me as I have
to go home eventually and sooner or later someone is gonna find out and
tell my ex. So there u have it my dirty little secret!! ENJOY (Megan,
22, Student/Admin)
Top
A Secret in Progress
A friend of mine is going to be giving birth in November. The father of this child was a "temporary dalliance" and fairly large lapse in forethought on her part. Recently, she started getting e-mails from a woman who claims to be a lawyer and the recent wife of her child's father. This alleged "wife" also claims to be an alleged "lawyer", though I have never met a lawyer who would send harassing e-mails from a client's hotmail address, wether their was a spousal affiliation or not.
The problems are the
nature of the e-mails. This woman is threatening to obtain sole custody
of this as yet un-born child, all the while denying that the child could
even be her alleged husbands. Now, being a professional myself, I am fully
aware that lawyers are very professional, highly litterate people, and
their are rules governing their conduct and when and how they can communicate
with a party they are bringing an action against. This woman is clearly
not a lawyer.
Foe example:
"In the courts today XXXX, it has become very apparent and I have
represented MANY who are clearly having children for no other reason but
an easy financial gain. Lets also so XXXXX is the father. There are forms
of Birth Control that a WOMAN can have access to, there is also the "After
Morning shot" which IF your intentions of having a baby for nothing
else but financial gain you would have prevented a pregnancy. Why would
a woman in her late 30's early 40's with TWO FULL Grown children, one
of which is familiar in the justice system, care to have another child???
Perhaps my dear it is YOU that needs to do some long hard thinking on
what you are expecting and doing. Perhaps it is YOU that needs to re-think
your motives for such an email. Larry knows what I am writing and what
is being said. If you like I will be happy to serve you with documentation
to have the paterntity test done and then we can go from there.
"And: One more thing I would like to add, at the end of your email
you talk about being selfish, Being selfish in the court's eyes is a person
such as yourself who has a very twisted outlook on child bearing, being
irresponsible and yet selfish in the whole sexual act. Having sex with
no means to protect yourself. Having sex resulting in a child and then
continually harrassing the unproven father. If such emails continue, I
will be going to the courts to have the order imposed, and yes XXXX, email
harrassment is just as valid as any other forms. XXXXX and I will make
a decision once the baby is born and if it is found to be his, I am willing
to then take these emails and any other prior ones that I have and seek
out SOLE Custody of your daughter. I will get it as I am a very stable,
secure person who as a single parent has provided very nicely for my own
3 children. With your past and your children's current legal and other
various situations, I know the judge will favor my home as a more stable
environment. Please remember, with my profession, I am able to financially
support a lengthy legal battle and I am not afraid to do so, as it would
appear, you really need a long hard look into the reality of life. Once
I hear back from you with the information I have asked, I will be sending
out further instructions on what we will require from you. Thank you,
X XXXXX"
Now, I know for a
fact that there isn't a lawyer in the world who wouldn't face IMMEDIATE
dis-barrment for writing this crap, so, I figgured fair is fair and responded
to ALL SIX similar harrassing e-mails with:
"Dear Mr. XXXXX,
I have reviewed a series of e-mails originating from your Hotmail Account (XXXXXXX@hotmail.com) and transmitted to the account of Ms. XXXXXXXX XXXXX. I have a great deal of concern regarding these recent communications.
These e-mails appear to be written by your spouse, one XXXXX XXXXX, who also claims to be a lawyer. As a legal professional, I find it difficult to believe that Ms. XXXXX would utilize the Hotmail Account of any client, regardless of any spousal affiliation. Furthermore, upon reading the content of the aforementioned e-mails sent to Ms. XXXXX, I find it impossible to believe that Ms. XXXXX is a member of the legal profession.
Having said that,
my office has made enquiries to both the Alberta and Canadian Bar Associations
(licensing bodies for lawyers in Alberta and Canada) regarding Ms. XXXXX.
The Alberta Bar Association has no record of a lawyer by the name of XXXXX
XXXXX, and we await a response from
the Canadian Bar Association. Should the Canadian Bar Association report
that Ms. XXXXX is a lawyer from another jurisdiction, or a Law Student
at any Canadian University, we will be filing a complaint with the appropriate
authority, as the statements made by Ms. XXXXX in the e-mails
to my client far exceed the definition of “Professional Conduct”
as outlined by the Canadian Bar Association.
Our Criminal Division at Williams, Ericson, & McMillan [Fictional Lawfirm] are seeking advice as to whether impersonating a lawyer constitutes a Criminal Act, whether accusations and threats made by Ms. XXXXX constitute defamation, slander, and assault, and we may yet advise Ms. XXXXX to proceed with a formal complaint of harassment to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
As counsel for Ms. XXXXX, I cannot offer any advice to you, but I would strongly suggest that any future communication to Ms. XXXXX regarding her un-born child be undertaken following the advice and guidance of a lawyer. I am positive that any competent legal counsel would advise you to cease and desist from making any further threats to having an un-born child taken away from its mother, regardless of any outstanding questions of paternity, or any other un-founded accusations regarding the competency of Ms. XXXXX as a parent.
As to any questions of Paternity, my client has advised that she does not wish to undergo Amniocentesis, and can wait until the child is born before confirming Paternity.
Respectfully,
XXXXXXX XXXXXXXX,
LL.B., Q.C.
Williams, Ericson & McMillan
(Cc: XXXXXXXX XXXXX; Case File # FL-MB 23745)"
You may note, that I have only indicated myself as "counsel" for my friend. By definition, that can be anyone who offers advice.
We'll see what that
does and keep you posted.
(James, 35, Manitoba,
Network Administrator)
Top
Angels
of Mercy (New!)
I was a devout Christian .... until I became a nurse (Tammy, 43, USA)
Top
I Did
Everything (New!)
I'll be graduating college next year. Masters Degree. Isn't that what
you wanted? I lost 125 lbs, cut my hair and became hippie-goth because
all your girlfriends were either metalheads or flower children. But you
still don't love me. I don't know why. But I'll keep trying.
Top
Have some beans you simply must spill? Do it here
